


i can rest my weary bones

by stardust_studio



Category: The Mechanisms (Band), Ulysses Dies at Dawn - The Mechanisms (Album)
Genre: Angst, Body Horror, Canon-Typical Body Horror, Canon-Typical Death, Character Study, Death, Death is for Ulysses and briefly Jonny, Depression, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Immortality, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Introspection, Jonny d'Ville Is Not Okay, Jonny just wants what Ulysses got, Major character death - Freeform, Mild Gore, Suicide, death ideation, doesn't stick to Jonny tho, no graphic descriptions tho, suicide ideation, writing this was pure catharsis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:00:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25029658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardust_studio/pseuds/stardust_studio
Summary: Jonny d'Ville's thoughts while writing Elysium Fields.An unwilling immortal writing about the peaceful death he's been chasing for so long and trying to play it off as a sad ending.TW for death, suicide mention and ideation, depression, mild gore, and body horror
Relationships: Ashes O'Reilly & Ulysses, Ashes O'Reilly/Ulysses (Ulysses Dies At Dawn), Jonny d'Ville & Ashes O'Reilly, Jonny d'Ville & Nastya Rasputina
Comments: 16
Kudos: 91





	i can rest my weary bones

**Author's Note:**

> I haven’t actually listened to Death of the Mechanisms yet, haven’t worked up the courage to, so I actually have no idea who dies when, or even if they die at all. I just got this idea because I was listening to Elysium Fields on repeat and got angst ideas. I have no idea who should be/was in the band at the time this was performed, but Nastya’s here because I adore Jonny and Nastya’s sibling dynamic.
> 
> Anyway, not abandoning Double-Dealing, just fell down the rabbit hole of another fandom and decided to make angst.

Jonny d’Ville takes a deep breath, trying to figure out how to word this. He isn’t good at this part, writing endings, because he isn’t sure he’ll ever even get one. But, every good story has an ending, even if it isn’t a happy ending. He especially can’t write happy endings, he can’t imagine that his story, if and when it does end, will have a happy ending. Though, for a given value of happiness, this ending is a happy one. 

_Elysian Fields roll out before me_

_Sunlight dapples through the leaves_

_Of the sole surviving oak tree_

_As I wait for my release_

Jonny remembers hearing the story of Ulysses from Ashes, about a decade after it had happened. They were crying, mourning the death of such a beautiful soul, and only told the story to Jonny so they could keep Ulysses alive in memory. Ashes said right off the bat that the story didn’t have a happy ending, but Jonny didn’t, doesn’t believe them. 

_Lying here amongst the flowers_

_I can rest my weary bones_

_In the earth with my beloved_

_I have found my final home_

Ulysses wanted to rest, untormented and free. That was their greatest wish, their one goal, their happy ending, and they got it. They died free from the Acheron, in a “refuge of their own design,” to quote Ashes themself. They lay next to the one they love, and drifted off into the peaceful void of the afterlife. 

_Long ago I sought to share it_

_That death might not be mine alone_

_But the Labyrinth-spawn, they could not bear it_

_They shall not reap what I have sown_

Oh, what Jonny won’t do to rest like that. He’s tried, oh so many times, shooting himself over and over and over again, until it takes a week before he wakes up again, surrounded by the rest of the crew, concerned faces looking down at his mangled body. But the heart, his Mechanism, so cold, so heavy, so _wrong_ , just wouldn’t let him have that rest, no matter how much damage he does to himself. He’s tried ripping it out, shooting it, hell, he tried to use a black hole to destroy it. No luck, and no more than a month’s worth of peace, just the blink of an eye in his ever-continuing life. So, he loses himself in the violence, the music, and the pain of being killed, over and over again, hoping it will distract him from the pain of his cold metal heart. It never does. 

_Lying here upon the soil_

_As dawn fills my heart with light_

_Beside my wife and far from toil_

_Sunrise breaking through the night_

So, Jonny writes a happy ending, in his own way. Ashes will cry when they read it, not that they’ll ever admit that, but Ashes was close to Ulysses. They’ve all made that mistake, getting too close to a mortal. 

Ulysses gets the prize that they’ve been chasing after the whole time, a peaceful death free from torment and strife. To some, the death of the hero is not a happy ending, and Jonny tells the others and himself when they ask that it isn’t one, and only Nastya sees through him. He knows that anyone who hears the songs of this story will not see it for the happy ending it is. He hopes his ending is just as peaceful, but doesn’t hold onto that hope. He doesn’t deserve a peaceful death or a happy ending. 

_No-one shall pull me from my slumber_

_My mind to plague with thoughts of life_

_Forever free of pain and hunger_

_I shall leave the city’s strife_

Jonny just wants to rest. He’s lived too long, can barely remember a time before he was a Mechanism, but he knows his body, his mind, isn’t made for this longevity. He gets lost in his own head too frequently, nightmares plague him when he tries to sleep, and stories, while a soothing catharsis, always end, in a way he never will be able to. 

_Lying here bathed in sunshine_

_I have found where I shall lie_

_I have found my heart’s last calling_

_Elysian fields where I can die_

Jonny ponders how to end the song, end the story. Ulysses is dying, is dead, has been for over a decade now. Ashes can’t tell him how the story ended, because there were no cameras inside the vault, and the door closed before Ulysses took their last breath. No one heard the final words of Ulysses as they slipped into the final rest that Jonny so craves. 

_Elysian fields where I can…_

There. It isn’t an ending, not a traditional one anyway, but when has Jonny ever been traditional? The last word will go unknown, unsaid, lost to the peaceful death that Ulysses had earned. The one that Jonny wants so dearly, but can never have. 

Sighing and shaking himself out of his head, he stands, and goes to find Nastya and Ashes. Ashes for the story, and Nastya for the overall review and to figure out the music. Life, unfortunately, goes on. _The Aurora_ still flies, his cold metal heart still pumps, and Jonny lives on, envying the peace granted to Ulysses, a long-dead hero finally allowed to rest. 

**Author's Note:**

> I made myself cry writing this, I'll be honest.


End file.
